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Encountering refusal, especially when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. Someone is declining your work, giving a clear “Not interested.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I commenced pitching manuscripts half a century past, just after finishing university. Since then, I have had two novels rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and countless essays. Over the past 20 years, focusing on commentary, the rejections have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I receive a setback every few days—totaling in excess of 100 times a year. In total, rejections over my career run into thousands. Today, I might as well have a PhD in rejection.

But, does this seem like a complaining rant? Absolutely not. Since, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted being turned down.

By What Means Have I Managed It?

Some context: Now, nearly every person and their relatives has said no. I’ve never counted my win-lose ratio—that would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: lately, an editor turned down 20 submissions consecutively before approving one. In 2016, over 50 publishing houses vetoed my book idea before a single one approved it. Subsequently, 25 agents passed on a book pitch. An editor requested that I submit articles less often.

My Seven Stages of Rejection

Starting out, every no hurt. I felt attacked. I believed my creation was being turned down, but myself.

Right after a submission was turned down, I would begin the process of setback:

• First, shock. Why did this occur? Why would these people be overlook my skill?
• Next, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the wrong person? It has to be an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who appointed you to judge on my labours? It’s nonsense and the magazine is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, frustration at the rejecters, then self-blame. Why do I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, negotiating (often mixed with false hope). What will it take you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be accomplished.

So it went for decades.

Great Examples

Naturally, I was in excellent fellowship. Stories of authors whose manuscripts was initially turned down are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was originally turned down. Because they managed to persevere, then possibly I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his youth squad. Many American leaders over the recent history had been defeated in races. The actor-writer says that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to star were declined numerous times. “I take rejection as an alarm to wake me up and get going, not backing down,” he has said.

The Final Phase

As time passed, when I entered my later years, I achieved the seventh stage of setback. Acceptance. Today, I better understand the various causes why a publisher says no. Firstly, an editor may have already featured a similar piece, or have something underway, or just be contemplating that idea for someone else.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or the editor thinks I lack the credentials or stature to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the wares I am submitting. Maybe was too distracted and reviewed my work too quickly to recognize its quality.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Any work can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is almost little you can do about it. Some explanations for denial are forever out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are your fault. Honestly, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be flawed. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the point I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or an aspect about my grammar, particularly commas, was annoying.

The essence is that, in spite of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve written several titles—my first when I was middle-aged, my second, a memoir, at 65—and more than a thousand pieces. Those pieces have featured in publications big and little, in local, national and global outlets. My first op-ed ran in my twenties—and I have now submitted to many places for five decades.

Still, no major hits, no book signings at major stores, no features on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can better take no at this stage, because my, admittedly modest successes have cushioned the blows of my many rejections. I can now be reflective about it all today.

Educational Setbacks

Setback can be instructive, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will probably just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what insights have I gained?

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